Again...

Again somehow I am on the wrong side of things.  I don't even know how to talk to people some days. Hump day is turning into dump on Nerdy girl day... or that is how it feels. Sometimes I feel like it's ok for others to let out their feelings and talk without being judged but I can't. I know it's not true... but that is how I feel today.

Sometimes I feel doomed. Doomed to never let things out the right way. Doomed by the way I was raised. Just... Doomed.

I just feel like everyone hates me again and I also feel like just by posting this I could be making it worse.

I just have to learn to suck it up I guess. I have always been a bit of a circulating body, doing things on my own. But I just have to remember that I am not on my own anymore. I have friends who love me and know my history and are willing to talk things out without judging me. I have a wonderful husband who I will hopefully start my family with soon.

I just hope I can shield my kids from many of the things I have had to deal with in my life. I hope I can teach them to communicate better than I can. I also hope they don't have to deal with all the inner criticism and doubt that I deal with every day.

In my head I am so alone
In my heart I am loved
I make mistakes
That is true
I just have to make it through
Tomorrow will be better
I will hope and pray that these dark days will subside
And tomorrow will be bright and sunny and warm

Um... maybe not tomorrow, this is Oregon after all!

As usual, this is a rambling and weird post.