Update

Ugh, I know, i haven't blogged in over two weeks now (three actually?). I meant to. I kept sitting down, with a blog topic in my head and then I would get distracted by something. Here is a quick update of the past couple of weeks.

- I got an A in A&P 121 Hurray! There was a kerfluffle over the lab grading, but hey, an A is an A.

- Spring Break. Meh, I still had to work, so nothing special here except I actually worked a full 40 hour workweek.

- I was filmed for TV and the first airing was the day after my birthday. I actually still don't know if I made it onto the show or not.

- It was my birthday. I am 29. I always thought I would kids by now. Isn't it funny how life doesn't cooperate with your goals/dreams? I wanted to have 2 kids before I was 30. Now I will be lucky to have 1. C told me I still had time months ago and I rolled my eyes because I knew better. Now I am thinking back on that conversation and I just sign at the naivete of men.

- I fulfilled a lifelong wish for my birthday. I finally have an up and running proper fish tank. It's a 25 gallon one and I am excited to fill it with fish.

- I got a new (to me) bike. A vintage 1972 Schwinn Varsity. It's adorable and comfortable and I love it. It is going to play a primary role in helping me to get more active and fit.

- I started A&P 122 and I am trying to keep up with studying rather than getting behind.

-We are putting in a patio in the back! Yay! A place to lounge and have planter boxes and barbeques!

-Another TTC note. I may have actually O'd this cycle, but I did it crazy early for a 35 day cycle. We will see. :-/

Ok, that's about it I think. I will TRY to be a better blogger.

Blue Skies

Today was suddenly so much better than the last couple of days. I had dinner with a friend last night to talk about my options for school and he made a lot of things clear for me that had gotten confusing. I don't know if it was the clarity for school, the fact that it was super nice outside today, that is was Friday, or a combination, but my cloud has lifted.

After work today I went to a party for a therapist friend who finally got her license and is able to move out of the horrible AKC and on to another community service center or on to private practice. It was a fun party because I got to see a bunch of my old Skills Trainer and Therapist friends and I actually got a job offer out of one of my friends. He is going to have me call him on Monday and he is going to get me an interview to work an on-call position, which will give me some more Skills Training time, but allow me to keep my full-time job and go to school. I am super excited!

As for school, here is my new plan:

1. I will continue to work on prerequisites. It looks like I need A&P 122, 231, and 232. I also need a nutrition class, human development (because my previous child development classes were too specialized), and maybe Statistics.

2. I will do my CNA 1 in May-June and my CNA 2 soon after that. I will then hopefully be able to get a job at the same hospital C works at and get experience working with patients.

3. This coming November-January (or February) I will be applying for Nursing School at pretty much all of the schools that offer it (except for Carrington and the other online schools, they are crap and expensive). Hopefully I will get into either OHSU or U of P because they are linked to the major hospitals and the hospitals tend to hire the students who do their rotations there. If I get into somewhere like MHCC I was told it might actually be better because after a year and a half I can apply for the fast track nursing program at OHSU and move over so that I get the same patient contact and same job prospects, but it's actually cheaper because MHCC is cheaper than OHSU.

Anyway, that is my plan, and I am excited. This Spring I will do A&P 122 and then the CNA 1.

I am moving on and moving up in the world. Now maybe my body will cooperate and I will get pregnant.

Feelings

Outside is sunny, but inside is not. I need to learn not to let other people get to me, to communicate better, to be more positive.

I just don't feel positive today. It feels like people don't listen to me. I try to talk about how I am feeling, but then it is about them, or what I should be doing, or something other than what I feel like I need.

I don't feel like I will ever get pregnant, and I KNOW there are things I could fix about myself, but I just can't bring myself to suck it up and do them. I know I am only on cycle 4 of trying, but I am on month 5 and it just seems like every cycle I don't know if my body is going to suddenly decide to work. And then our timing... well I would like to say it sucks, but I don't even know if it does or not.

I need to do something. I need a night out with friends, but every time I ever try to plan something, it never works out. It only seems to work when they plan something. I know I have plenty of people who care, but unless it is on their terms, or with both the Hubby (who I shall now refer to as C for ease of writing) and myself.

I know I have fallen into one of my clouds of funk and depression, and I know like every other time I will find a way out... but for now I feel hopeless. I can barely write, I don't want to draw, I don't want to knit or cook.

I need a day to myself with either nothing planned, or so much fun I can't stand it. I am supposed to attend a birthday party Saturday for one of C's classmates and I can't stand the idea of going and putting on a fake smile for people I barely know. I can't stand large groups and I can't stand trying to talk to a bunch of people at once.

Also, I just ate a whole small package of cookies. I shouldn't have done that.

I meet with a friend tonight to try and get help figuring out schooling, so I hope that helps a bit. Part of my funk has to do with uncertainty about school.

Tomorrow is a new day.

I am a little stressed out today. I have been hating my job, exhausted from just winter (I am pretty sure I have SADD, but who in Oregon doesn't have it), and I have school. Now, on top of it, my hubby found out today that there are prerequisites I didn't see when planning for my schooling.

What does this mean? I don't know. More school for sure. I am just stressed out because as of this moment I don't know what is going to happen.

I guess more on that later when I can say more...

Monday

Why do Mondays always seem to be the worst days in existence?

Yesterday Monday hated me.

I got to work and used the restroom only to find out that I was spotting. One long frantic post to The Bump and some soothing replies and suggestions that maybe it was ovulation spotting and I calmed down.

Monday then pretended to get better for awhile. I spent the rest of my workday being productive and even got home and got through making some bad ass nachos without hurting myself. Ok... so I did accidentally touch the metal sheet pan with my bare hand after I took it out of the oven, but I didn't really burn myself.

This is where Monday decided to bite me again. My study partner for my Anatomy and Physiology class had come over for dinner and studying and we apparently decided to yak about food for an hour and a half. We didn't even start studying until almost 9. At this point we spent an hour studying, but the microscopic function of a muscle kept distracting us with inappropriate thoughts so we kept getting distracted.

One notable distraction was how the motor axon (I think I am remembering this much right from our studying) resembled an Echidna penis during part of the animation we were watching to understand how skeletal muscle functions. 

Wait... did she really just talk about an Echidna and it's penis. Yes, yes I did. My husband introduced me to this YouTube account that creates True Facts videos. They are hilarious.

But hey, I started out on track. I just commented that the animation looked like the Echidna's penis, and so she requested that I clarified. I then Googled it to show her. She was promptly grossed out and fascinated and conceded that she saw where I was coming from. Trust me, an Echidna has a very weird penis.

We were going to move on from that point, but my husband overheard and told me I had to show her the True facts video. So we did HERE and then we went on to watch another one about Morgan Freeman. Who isn't facinated about Morgan Freeman? And I mean, come on, nothing exists until he dreams about it. It's true... really... HERE is proof. We almost got distracted with the one about Tarsiers, but luckily we pulled it together and went back to spacing out... erm, I mean studying. Don't judge us, we are A students... so far.

Finally my day wraps up, but instead of having a nice evening of baby making with my husband... I accidentally scratch him. Let us leave it at that. It ended the night pretty quick.

And this is why Monday hates me. It turned me into a freaked out, mood swingy, distracted, clumsy person.

I am glad it is Tuesday now. I can look back on Monday and roll my eyes.

Plus Morgan Freeman dreamed that my Tuesday will be wonderful... and so it shall be.