My mornings: So tired. This morning I woke up feeling hung over.
How far along: 8 weeks 5 days today
How big is baby: About the size of a raspberry.
Weight Gain: Up 1 pound.
What I miss: Enjoying eating and being able to think straight.
Symptoms: Some Round ligament pain, some nausea, sore back.
Cravings: I really wanted pickles twice this week and sprouts on my sandwich once.
Food Aversions: None, but most things just don't sound good.
Highlights this week: I finally had my first appointment. I love my OB, she is so holistic and wants to try acupuncture to help with my PCOS after this pregnancy. I'm supposed to go on a diabetic diet though soon to help lose weight and stave off gestational diabetes. Right now I'm just concentrating on actually eating because not much sounds good. We are also considering cloth diapering.
Maternity clothes: Nope, I did wear a belly band yesterday just to help with layering due to afternoon bloat.
Stretch marks: No new ones.
Sleep: I wake up a lot and keep changing position.
Movement: Too early.
Gender: Unknown.
Labor signs: Hopefully not for 30 more weeks or so.
Belly button: Innie
What I am looking forward to: My second ultrasound on Monday. They couldn't get a clear picture on Tuesday possibly due to my extra "padding" and baby just beign too small and tucked down behind the pelvic bone. Transvaginal at the hospital for me. *Kind* of hoping there are twins in there.
Milestones: None, although I think the miscarriage rate is down to about 1.5% this week, maybe a little higher due to my PCOS and weight. Week nine it's supposed to drop even farther.
Other: I lost a friend last week. I was being assured by other friends that it was just temporary and the friend *must* be going through something for what happened to have happened, but It's looking like at over a week later that it's permanent. I think she totally misunderstood somethings I was saying, but the way she reacted and made assumptions and cut me off have left me hurting. It was suggested I send her a message, but I wouldn't know what to say. I sometimes have a hard time portraying in writing what I really mean, as evidenced by this blow-up, and I am not sure I can contact this person without sounding aggressive of defensive, which she was already saying I was being. I can't call because we are only online friends. I am sure I said things badly and I am sure some of the fault is mine, but I just can't open myself to the hurt again. The blow-up left me in my office sobbing to my husband on the phone about this person I came to dearly love and who suddenly hates me.
My heart really does hurt by it and I have pulled back a little from the group of ladies we had going because I can't decide whether I am angry, hurt, at fault, or all of the above. I respond when they say something, but that isn't much either because of me or because they are busy moms and as of yet I am not.
It's times like this and when I haven't seen friends on my own without C for months or even years that I lament... well me. I have always suspected some social anxiety and depression, but I usually come pretty well. I think it's just in the social situations that I suffer. I guess I am just lucky I have some friends who know I am weird and have a hard time expressing myself and take the time to understand what I am really saying.
I will get over this. Maybe she will contact me. Maybe I will find the words... I don't know though.
Other: I lost a friend last week. I was being assured by other friends that it was just temporary and the friend *must* be going through something for what happened to have happened, but It's looking like at over a week later that it's permanent. I think she totally misunderstood somethings I was saying, but the way she reacted and made assumptions and cut me off have left me hurting. It was suggested I send her a message, but I wouldn't know what to say. I sometimes have a hard time portraying in writing what I really mean, as evidenced by this blow-up, and I am not sure I can contact this person without sounding aggressive of defensive, which she was already saying I was being. I can't call because we are only online friends. I am sure I said things badly and I am sure some of the fault is mine, but I just can't open myself to the hurt again. The blow-up left me in my office sobbing to my husband on the phone about this person I came to dearly love and who suddenly hates me.
My heart really does hurt by it and I have pulled back a little from the group of ladies we had going because I can't decide whether I am angry, hurt, at fault, or all of the above. I respond when they say something, but that isn't much either because of me or because they are busy moms and as of yet I am not.
It's times like this and when I haven't seen friends on my own without C for months or even years that I lament... well me. I have always suspected some social anxiety and depression, but I usually come pretty well. I think it's just in the social situations that I suffer. I guess I am just lucky I have some friends who know I am weird and have a hard time expressing myself and take the time to understand what I am really saying.
I will get over this. Maybe she will contact me. Maybe I will find the words... I don't know though.
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